Imperfect Sinner

'The integrity of the upright will guide them' (Proverbs 11:3)

Are you good at berating and generally beating yourself up? Or do you leave it to others to chastise and point out your failings? As a young woman I was very confident and I believe fairly infallible. It isn't that I was arrogant, just that my parenting instilled a healthy and positive self-esteem, and I didn't think I was particularly imperfect. I was aware from going to Sunday school and church that man was born in sin, and that we needed to be aware of our sinful nature. I learned about the seven deadly sins, which are lust, gluttony, greed, laziness, wrath, envy and pride, and was aware that I needed to avoid these things. Essentially however, I did not feel I needed to criticise my own behaviour or that I regularly needed to identify my faults and punish myself accordingly.

As I grew to adulthood and had differing emotional experiences, such as losing my first job or being ignored by some young man who I liked, I learned emotional pain and how to deal with rejection. One of the main reasons someone will blame themselves or believe they are at fault is if they are emotionally scarred. They may then beat themselves up in a variety of ways. For instance they may do something extreme like becoming a lesbian or a nun if the object of their affection does not reciprocate their affections. Fortunately I took a more balanced approach and instead of beating myself believed that it was his bad luck; and simply moved on to the many other young men who were expressing an interest in dating me.

Not everyone takes things on the chin in the same way, and some may look for reasons to chastise themselves or believe that they have done something for which they should be penalised or punished. Inevitably this is not the case and good thinking is the better way forward rather than finding fault with yourself. This is a healthy way of looking at things however our life experiences are such that the attitude of siblings and partners, often encourage us to believe the worst of ourselves. For example you're so lazy couldn't you have done that for me or pointing out what they think is some other deficiency in your character.

I remember quite vividly the first time that someone indicated that they thought I was pretentious and not a very genuine person. I was mildly shocked that I was presenting in this way and took a step back to re-check my personality. It is, I believe always good to listen to fault finders; if only so that you can refute their views. Fault finders come in all sizes, shapes and ages, and range from ordinary people through to prominent officials. Sometimes you can be so caught up in your own importance that you fail to recognise your own imperfections. Having assessed this implied deficiency in my character I am pleased to say that it was the observer's perception that was at fault.

A final thought is that we are all imperfect and may have several character traits which other people are less than pleased with. If that is in fact the case some religious insight might prove useful in providing a basis or foundation for understanding our imperfections. We ultimately have to gain some understanding of our own characters and often use our internal barometer to identify the right and wrong of a situation. Additionally we are socialised into knowing the expectations of society; and have an understanding that we would be penalised if we did something wrong. I believe it's better to roll with the punches rather than metaphorically giving ourselves a severe thrashing.

Veronica Williams: I was an educator for nearly 25 years and am a practising christian. If you wish to contact me I can be located at my e-mail address v.ambris12@mail.com I hope you enjoyed reading this short article. Providing useful self development, self empowerment and self esteem tips and reviews online.