I seek strength, not to be greater than another, but to fight my greatest enemy, the doubts within myself. ~P.D. Cast
Of all the elements that form the comfort zone, unworthiness is without question the most insidious.
Unworthiness is that shadowy deep-seated belief that creeps into our minds and tells us we are undeserving and not good enough, inadequate and fundamentally flawed. Unworthiness serves as a shield to insulate us from risk, chance and the unknown.
Some of us may already be aware of certain limiting and negative beliefs we have about ourselves. These we can learn to heal and change. The real problem goes deeper... it's the unconscious self-doubt and unworthy feelings we accept about ourselves.
The unworthiness mantra is "Don't try it, don't even think about it."
Without realizing it, we allow unworthiness to sabotage us in a hundred different ways, using endless justifications to keep from reaching for our dreams. For the sake of shielding ourselves from even the remote possibility of having to face our own fundamental inadequacy... we will do whatever it takes to just not think about it.
We repeatedly second guess our choices; falling into endless mental reruns picking apart what we could or should have done differently; over time finding it harder and harder to make definitive decisions that will enable us to move forward.
We avoid testing (or exposing) ourselves by allowing days, weeks and years to go by as we focus on the daily minutia of life and tell ourselves we'll get to the big important stuff as soon as we're 'caught up' or when the 'time is right.'
We use our responsibilities, especially to others, as shields to prevent ourselves from trying something new.
While there's a lot to be said for gratitude, there is a BIG difference between appreciating all the good things and people in your life and choosing to settle for less because you don't believe you deserve or are capable of more.
A few months ago I received a heartbreaking note from a reader who wanted to share with me why she had just unsubscribed from IGG. She went on to explain that while she enjoyed the articles and found them inspiring they also depressed her because she found herself focusing on all that she could never have or be in her life. "A lot of people have it worse than me, so I just need to stop dreaming and be grateful for what I have now."
How to Resolve Feelings of Unworthiness
Be willing to challenge beliefs about yourself: Begin by exploring the 'why' behind negative self talk. Make a positive statement about yourself such as I am a loving person or I deserve to achieve my dream of (fill in the blank). Then focus on any negative or contradictory thoughts that pop into your mind about your declaration. A personal journal is a great tool for this exercise. The more specific you can be with your statement, the greater the likelihood you'll be able to uncover those sneaky unworthy feelings.
One step at a time: Once you begin to identify unworthy thoughts or triggers you can start gently stretching the limits of your comfort zone. Be willing to try different strategies and don't be discouraged if you have to keep at it for awhile. These feelings of unworthiness have likely been with you for decades, so be kind to yourself, celebrate small victories, and be patiently persistent.
Let go of the past: For some reason, at some point in your life you came to the conclusion that you were lacking. Maybe you were bullied as a kid, or maybe you made a mistake... maybe it was a real whopper of a mistake and now you're stuck mentally rerunning the experience and what you could or should have done differently. It's time to let it go. The longer this has been going on the tougher it will be to clear it from your mind, but meaningful change always begins with a decision and in this case it's up to you to choose not to give those thoughts the energy they require to remain an active part of your life.
Risk change: The thing about unworthiness is over time it becomes a comfortable companion and it is awfully tempting to stay with what's known rather than risk the discomfort of change, rejection or even failure. Focus on your dreams and find a purpose that is important enough to motivate you to muster the strength and courage to step into the unknown and be free of what's holding you back.
Be willing to ask for help: Sometimes feelings of unworthiness stem from a major life change or a traumatic event. As valuable as self-directed personal growth exercises can be, it's important to understand that asking for help is not a weakness. Even the most courageous and successful people from time to time need a helping hand to move forward.
Sometimes the space between where you are and where you want to be can feel like a massive distance, but the truth is even the most self-confident among us will experience doubt from time to time. We may not be able to completely avoid it, but we can become more resilient by developing a strategy that enables us to effectively conquer feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness. Providing useful self development, self empowerment and self esteem tips and reviews online.
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